Be Inspirational

Just be inspirational for 10 minutes or so. 
I was told that twice over the last couple of weeks, in 2 very different yet slightly similar situations - come to an event, talk to some people you've never met before, and, you know, just be inspirational.
I don't think I am ever inspirational, but I am for sure not inspirational on command. 
So instead I immediately panicked. 
Which I do quite well on my own, so no need for any commands. 

When I tried to question what does it even mean "be inspirational" I got the even more confusing "just be yourself" and "just tell your story".
Well, that's only good if we want to inspire people to leave their country. 
Or as I explained in my first event, when people tell me that, all I can think of is all the personal, financial and professional prices I paid over the years for all my life choices. 
Not really the stuff that dreams are made of. 

The thing is, I really did want to be inspirational.
Both events are to do with topics that I care deeply about and that I deal with every day - one was talking to graduating special needs teachers, and the other is about women empowerment, and I was extremely honoured that someone even entertained the idea of me being "enough" to speak in either, that I really wanted to make a good impression, and if possible, make at least one person feel seen.

But the thing was, I spent the last few weeks struggling with a combination of imposter syndrome, real-life people (like the guy who spent quite a good chunk of time mansplaining to me how social media works, the supplier who did not deliver, and client cancellations), exhaustion (we made our way to over 8,000 houses in the last 7 weeks to give out leaflets & cards), and an oral surgery, which is probably why I ignored everything good and only felt like - what if this is it? What if this is actually my ceiling?

People usually talk about glass ceilings, and at the same time, glass ceilings always looked to me like they were just meant for breaking through.
But what if this one isn't made of glass at all? What if it's made of concrete? And it's like banging your head against the wall. Where usually, in the contest between head and wall - the wall wins. 
What then?

Well, 3 things - a plan, a cake, and a... OK, 2 things. 
Because ceiling or not, everything looks better with a plan and a piece of (chocolate) cake. 
And I know I am supposed to write something big and inspiring about my plan here, but in reality my plan is - one tiny step forward.
Obviously my first tiny step forward was going to the supermarket and buying said cake (Yon had his eye on one since the last time I made the mistake of taking him with me).

The thing was, that while we were wandering down the aisles, trying to decide what other non-healthy but very soft food we can fit in the trolley (the teeth thing means I'm basically on a diet of soup and brownies), I was recognised as "that lady from the leaflets" 😊 
So sometimes ceilings are just a reminder to go do something different. 
Or in the words of the (almost as good as the first movie) Frozen 2 -
"Just do the next right thingTake a step, step againIt is all that I can to doThe next right thing".


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